huh...

now hears the funny part.

Wednesday I'm getting my Biopsy.

I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want anyone to worry.
buuuut now I'm sad that I have no one to worry with me.
I'm a loan worrier right now.

I feel that everything is going to be fine and it wont be cancer.
come on its 1% chance. I don't care how ugly it looks , that's some good odds for me.
But there is going to be that WHATIF running through my head like a kid on crack for the next few days and I want someone to tell me its going to be okay.
Moms a bad canadit for that. I don't think she wants to tell me its going to be okay if we really don't know.
If that makes any sense.

I'm finding myself wearing lower cut things these past few days...okay these past few months I'v been worrying.
Everyone must think iv suddenly take a career move to be a hooker.

Its been making me feel better to peek down at them and see they look no different from any other boob. (if not a bit smaller)


i just watched a vid online about biopsies. it says that 4 out of 5 times it comes back fine.
im happy with this.

Confidence,Now In Wig Form

I have a very short list of blogs that I HAVE TO READ every day and the bloggess is one of them. Very often her posts make me laugh out loud. but for real yall, not just the lol ppl usually say but you know they are totally not Laughing out loud.
Fakers
mine is the kind of LOL that makes the other people in the silent room you happen to be cohabiting with them turn to you like your face just fell off.

generally I hate getting the. "Wtf? Did your face just implode?" Look. But when reading the Bloggess I could care less.

anyways she has introduced me to the concept of confidence wigs.
and I have to say prior to this revelation I was just wearing a wig every now an them because....okay i don't have a because
it was just a thing I did sometimes.
but now I have a legitimate reason.

"whats that on your head??!"
"CONFIDENCE YOU ASS HOLE!"

Cant Lie

Im addicted to Senor Gif.
:)

see more Señor Gif
because "weeeeee! IM RUNNING! RAWR DINO POWER! wait wait wait I'm slipping, noooo i can save this, FEET MOVE FASTER. *dino face plant* BLARGH."
the sad tail colapse has me laughing my butt off. =(>_<)=

I have to agree with The Daily What on this
this washing machine sounds like Jumanji is trying to get out
"In the jungle you must wait, until the timer reads five or eight."
throughout this whole vid i was waiting for the rhino to run over my car.
friggin rhino....I hate you and your pointy face.

that quotes from Jumanji natch.
also if you didn't know that your dead to me.
seriously? Did your childhood suck or something?
that's like saying you never had a slap bracelet or Lisa Frank anything.

Shiiiiii...uh...stuff im excited about.

Me and Venture brothers are like thisclose
for serious. I LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE that show.
there seems to never be a "aw crud this sucks" moment(at least not for me)

Here is the Preview for season 4.2
<3

so young

The date has been set.
August the 11th I go in for my Biopsy.
Oh Mr.Lump your about to meet your maker.
which dosent really make any seance because I guess tecnicly im its maker.
:/ whatever man! DONT QUESTION ME!!!!
Anyways the biopsy seems to be the way to go.
if for nothing else to make us all feel better. Iv been told the chance that its Cancer is 1% in people as young as I.
He repeated this a few times. throughout my last apointemt he kept randomly saying "gosh...your just so young" ...thanks doc, that makes me feel worlds better :)

It looks ugly at this point. Thats all i can really say.

i was also warned that this surgery can miss shape my boob.
he said it to me like i was going to go "hey yea no...ill just keep this whatever it is in my boob because a wonkey boob!!! *gasp* I WILL HAVE NONE OF THAT!"

nice breasts are highly over rated.

ew

Create avatar

all im saying is- PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!!!!

Alone

It has come to my attention that I don't know how to be alone. I surround myself with people every day because I simply do not know how to function without there presence in my life. Even in the shower. when one is as alone as you can be. I keep the door open,and plan when I can be around others again.
I'm in love with the idea of Love. but I have no clue how to feel it.
my heart swells for my daughter and my parents. I go on so many dates (to fill my nights and stave off the alone times)
Ever am I keeping my distance.I present myself as an object. I Seduce them and i tell them what they want to hear. no, there not using me. instead i use them.
and when I'm done. I fall off the planet. I pretend to be too busy to go on a date. Too busy to answer the many texts they will leave for me.
my heart is fragile. and it has made me cold.
but still i fear being alone so i trek on- and date men i know i could never love.
tonight is a rare night. no date in sight.
just me, alone in my house...
its a scary feeling.

afraid of the empty.
but wont let anyone close enough to fill this hole.
perhaps tonight is just me practicing. for what it will be like when in 40.

no.

i know me.
and i will find a man i know I'm too good for.
someone who i can hang out with.
and i will settle.

i wonder if ill fall in love?

what a strange thing that would be.
is is sad that i cant imagine what that would be like?

i don't know what its like to love someone, and have them love you in return.

perhaps this should be my new goal....


aw fak.


okay i feel better now.