Things i need~!

LETS GET MARRIED!
another thing i would use every single day. i would say something about tea and scones then twiddle this up against my mouth.
"I say Lord Percy it is a fine night tonight is it not?" then i would dance!!! *dance dance dance*


b4 you get bord and doze off HERE IS SOMETHING EPIC!!!

OMFG!!SOMETHING AWESOME JUST HAPPEND! lord save me im about to faint.
hold me while i stare at this beautiful thing.i just want to pet it all day long wilst haveing dirty nerdy thoughts.

woop

Woah is it getting sexy in here, or is it just me???

Sandra Bullock is batheing in Brillo pads

im sure you rem Sandra, she just won an Oscar for the fan-tab-ulous job she did in Blind Side. shes at the hight of her carrer and is experianceing one of the great highs in an actors life (yay for winning) plus she is Hawt. sure its girl next door but still very good looking. and she is a nice person! i know WTF?!?!?
she (is?) married to this guy. a one Mr.Jesse James... not a bad looking fellow if you ask me. And i used to like him, watched his show all the time and generaly thought he was a good looking guy. any ways that was all befor this.
jebus Jesse could you have boned a bigger skank?

Cuz im thinking NO.
more so you bannged her with no condom, putting your wife in danger.
who dose that? you thats who.(*ew*)
Michelle "Bombshell" McGee is apernently a Nazi as reported by TMZ and naked alot. (every pic i have ever seen of her she is topless)
Jesse released this statement to the press a few days ago (im lazy at reporting shit. what do you Nigerians care?)

The vast majority of the allegations reported are untrue and unfounded. Beyond that, I will not dignify these private matters with any further public comment.
"There is only one person to blame for this whole situation, and that is me. It's because of my poor judgment that I deserve everything bad that is coming my way.
"This has caused my wife and kids pain and embarrassment beyond comprehension and I am extremely saddened to have brought this on them. I am truly very sorry for the grief I have caused them. I hope one day they can find it in their hearts to forgive me."

lets see the vast majority of the allegations is that you Banged Michelle "bombshell" STD McGee up there. you saying you hope your wife and kids might one day forgive you makes me think you Deffinetly did bang her..otherwise whats to forgive???
oooo My Logic is sound.
(for like the fist time ever in the history of man)
Dude your wife is so hot. why would you screw it up?

your crazy nigerians

i actually got contacted by a nigerian today.he was looking for a wife,
either thats one hell of a co-wink-e dink or you nigerians are stalking me!
wich im okay with.

time to do something dirty!

its pretty clear that im a Shitty blogger, my brain is all frazzled and i write in incomplete thoughts. Regardless people are very very very slowly following me. thats a lie. i know a few lazy bastards that follow me but dont sign up for an account. (peraps because they suck).
just so everyone is clear. i dont belive that any of you actually exist. I just assume its some crazy computer glitch thats makeing you show up on my little {people who are follwoing you}either that or you all live in Nigera.
...i just had to go look up where Nigera is. thanks alot Nigerians, you made me have to learn.


ANYWAYS Time for the Orgy!!!




Aww, disapointing. for the record this is one of the very first things that came up when i typed "five person orgy" into google. I'm not sure what i was expecting, but this was not it.
Forget it.


now is the time when we DRINK! *who needs livers? not me thats for sure*

make it stop!

i read this online the other day and cant stop singing it.
Spider Bear, Spider Bear
Does whatever a spider bear dares
Spins a web, huge in size
Catches Salmon just like flies
Look out! Here comes the Spider-bear.



holy sh*t, this is going to visit me in my dreams,and not in the awwww its a spider bear lets cuddle. more of a "WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!" though if the song is anything to go by i think he only eats salmon. as i am not a fish (or am i?) i think im okay.




In other news ,my moms on twitter now, and i cant get over how friggin weird it is. worse yet she is following Sesame street on the Twit, so im getting updates about the happenings of Grover, and Cookie monster a few times aday. and im LOVEING IT!

"Grover: I had a cute little shadow, but when a cloud covered the sun my shadow went away. Conclusion: shadows are afraid of clouds!"

:)

Inappropriate thoughts that haunt me/The Bloggress about Twilight:

1. Why the hell am I reading the Twilight series?

2. The Twilight vampires are so strong that they can inadvertently knock someone’s head off if they aren’t paying attention because humans are as softer than butter compared them. So wouldn’t having sex with Bella be like fucking a wishing well? *squish squish squish*


3. No, really. Why am I reading these? I’m 35(*23*), for God’s sake. This is more embarrassing than that summer I had all those weird sex dreams about Dumbledore.


4. Wait, I mean Snape. Not Dumbledore. No one has sex dreams about Dumbledore. That would be disgusting.


5. Okay, fine. It was a three-way with Snape and Dumbledore. Ron Weasley was watching for some reason. That part was weird(*ron was soo watching. why is he such a perv?).



6. So in Twilight, all the bodily fluids of the vampires are poisonous. Their spit is venomous and their eyes juice is so acidic that it dissolves contact lenses, yet their semen is perfectly harmless. Um…what?


7. Edward’s entire body is made to be super violently fast and all inhumanly strong. So when he had unprotected sex with Bella, why didn’t his super-semen shoot through her body like a bullet out the back of her skull?


8. Remember when Edward kept telling Bella that he couldn’t plow her because it was “just too dangerous” and she just wouldn’t lay off? I wonder if he ever just said “IT’S BECAUSE I WOULD BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF WITH MY SEMEN, BELLA! GOD! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE. I’M JUST TRYING TO BE DELICATE HERE.” (* i abso. refuse to belive she is the smart one*)


9. If you’re going to die anyway, I bet death by vampire ejaculation is a good way to go.


10. Unless the vampire suffered from premature ejaculation. That would be a shitty way to go. Especially if you didn’t even get it all the way in and he just accidentally shot off your leg with his semen. That would totally suck.


11. I bet the reason why the Cullen’s sit alone at lunch is because they don’t want to get too close to all those girls on their periods.(*havent i been saying this from my very first post???*)


12. Wait, did Bella just never have a period, ever? How did she get pregnant then? Why wasn’t shit this covered in the books?


14. I bet it sucked when Bella was pregnant and living at the Cullen’s house because when you’re pregnant you get super gassy and every time she farted everyone in the entire house would know it instantly no matter where they were because they all have that super-amazing sense of smell and hearing. Except Alice can tell the future so she probably knew it was coming and had some kind of codeword to use so everyone could stop breathing for awhile. Probably, something like “Bella’s about to fart, you guys”. Alice isn’t very subtle. *toot*


15. If I was Bella I’d never be able to use the bathroom at the vampire house. They all know what you’re doing in there, Bella.


16. You know what would suck? If you were the human girlfriend of a vampire and you wanted to have oral sex but the dental dam dissolved because of his caustic mouth venom and then you got infected with vampire venom. In the vagina. That would be like Chlamydia times a billion, probably.




* in the end its just better not to think about it. when i read the books i like to think that Bella has no Vagina. because she should soooo not be procreating. I think its even stranger that i read the Twilight books because I am not attracted to Edward. he is over possessive, sort of creepy, terrible dresser, treats Bella like a child (prolly cuz he is super old and she is a teenager yuck) i don't know where I'm going with this, that's not a new thing.... i think ill just end it here.

Oh Sh*t

im in trouble now.
i for one am strongly against any future that results in me being killed. (yay life) and in my attempt to stick to this plan i have stayed away from drugs, massive liver killeing amounts of alcohol , and crazy sex with complete strangers (horray for no stds!) but i would rather the bible stop trying to murder me for being....whats the word?...outgoing,friendly?


s'okay im starting to think im going to hell regardless, what with my overal love of the gays. even if your against homosexuality you have to admit that Gay men are Fab-u-oussss! i say we RISE UP againt this tyrannical machine!

see more Hacked IRL - Truth in Sarcasm or not whatever.

things that scare the crap out of me.

Taxidermyed squirrels for one. regular alive squirrels are cute and nom on nuts and junk all adorable and shite. but the dead and stuffed ones that are meant to look like there hunting for sustenance ... there cold dead eyes only say to me " hi there , i want to eat your soul" and then i end up crying in the fetal position on the floor. *sob*
Things i do like? Attack of the show. usually wird guy (who looks like he might be nice in person but his celebrity makes him REEEAAALLLY not want to talk to you), as well as half asian girl (who is pretty Boss at awkward pauses)lift my spirits.Making me think that im not going to be that girl who knows nothing about tec. i will knock your socks off with comicbook nerdyness if need be so dont bust my chops 'yo'
anywho i lurv ATOS.
this post is going no where.
SOOOORRYY
you can never get back this 3 min of your life!!!
im hella sick and too lazy to go hunt up pics for funny making. STOP PRESSURING ME!! go look them up yourself!


*EDIT*
oh crap on cracker,becase i could not bare to dissapoint the all of NO ONE who reads this blog with this posts lack pics. i HAD to go look them up....oh lordy...how i wish i had not. I'm going to be haveing nightmears for weeks.
ill start you off slow


it makes you want to kill your neighbor and set fier to your school and/ or workplace right????....right?..just me then. Alright. :(


yes you are seeing EXACLY what you think you are seeing, Earings. even better was what was written below.

"I know I'm not the only one around here who has a soft spot for creative taxidermy - and who could not have their heart stolen completely by this gift of lovely squirrel feet earrings?"

awwwww thats so true. every time you tilted you head and those little claws ran agaings your shoulder it would feel like the dead squirrl was trying to escape from your ear holes not to mention creep the liveing hell out of you! fabuous!!! im going to buy some Right now!

and lastly. they are giveing dead zombie squirrls weapons. when the apycolyps comes this is whats going to kill you. and you know why? Because you wont be expecting it, not untill too late will you relize that squirrls been dead through the whole movie and what you thought was just a cute squirrl tick is actually him loading a clip in his AK-47. so long suckers. your dead now.

i laugh at you. for i will be ALIVE on an exotic island somwhere sipping coconut smoothines ...did i mention my island will have NO taxidermy squirrls on it? porque? BECAUSE THEY ARE SCARY AS FU**!!! DONT YOU LISTEN!?!?!?!?! *gah*